Friday, September 19, 2008
/3:54 pm
grand canyon day. met sky by chance in school this morning. we were wearing the same canyon t-shirt and we looked like twins. after that i went to meet xiaolin and talked for a while. went to munchie monkeys to wait for dearie jiexian for lunch. just want to hold on to dear friends, afraid that whatever remaining memories and cherished friendships could flow away with the slightest negligence. and our relationship moved on, beyond wonderous canyon back to "normal", mundane, everyday school life. all of us adjusted back to singaporean social normalities with a certain reluctance of disposition. but whenever i see them a part of my canyon self pervades and i feel like there is almost a part of me in them, which hide away since i was back. a more confident, less self-conscious self. a person freed from expectations, obligations and responsibilities. and a person who is loved.
whenever i meet with canyon friends, one question is inescapable- and it is the same perplexing question ive been asking myself everyday for the past month. they have witnessed my dramatic relationship, how ive cried in the corridors of colter hall, how i broke down that morning in maswik lodge fully aware of what was awaiting me. friends have been understanding and ade provided me with sensible words of wisdom which helped me through bad times, but clearly none can provide solutions. if it was a multiple choice question i know that the answer would ultimately be reductible to a yes or no. and to such a simple question, i have no answer. i have no courage to answer.
been stuck with bossa nova and jazz through the sleepless nights, it calms me and the suddenly im not so tensed up anymore. and so i finally found good companion for my coffee, alternative doesnt really do the trick ;)
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